On Safe Spaces

In the coaching world, we talk about “holding space” for our clients. It’s sort of a liquid term, but in essence it means creating a “safe” and open psychological space that encourages exploration and allows the client to communicate freely and without the inhibitions judgment brings. In practice, a capable coach manipulates that space much like the zoom on a camera - zoom in to create security, to encourage genuine introspection, to spotlight internal blocks to one’s goals; zoom out for perspective and real world solutions or expectations. If one believes answers lie within, such is a useful exercise as it honors our internal wisdom and looks for the best expressions of that wisdom.

However, like many such concepts, holding space loses its value as the circle of participants grows. The trust and intimacy required, and the freedom so engendered, tend to dissolve as the numbers increase. As too often happens, especially in school and university settings, attempts to establish and enforce “safe spaces” become merely veiled segregation or a new territory to be defended. This defeats the stated goal, for once public barriers are erected judgment and tension become inevitable. Those on the outside resent being excluded, those on the inside recognize a need for protection. Neither feels safe.

Holding space, creating a truly safe space, is an invitation void of expectation or enforcement, an acknowledgment of one’s freedom to participate, of one’s free will. Intimacy is a prerequisite and once it is breached the space becomes contaminated and unfit for introspection or deep communication. It simply does not scale. The truly personal experience seldom does.